My Life Before and My Life Now
I was often told that an addict is an addict forever and that I would never be able to change my ways. That I was stuck putting a needle in my arm every day, 5-6 times a day, for the rest of my life. Well, that wasn’t an answer I was content accepting. I needed my health back, I needed to be me again, and most importantly I wanted more out of life. I told myself over and over “this is not the end for you.”
Telling this to myself was what kept me going for a lot of the sleepless nights on the streets. You see, my addiction took me all the way to having an apartment but being so afraid of who would come to my door and find me that I chose to sleep in a 02 jeep’s back seat for almost a year instead. What a life right? Waking up every day, having no idea where I would get my next fix or how I was going even going to eat. Anyone else would have been looking for a job or finding help in one way or another, but not me. I was the king of my world. I knew everything and wasn’t going to let anyone tell me otherwise.
My mother had reached her hand down and pulled me out of the mud so many times that I lost count. I would call and beg for just a few dollars in my account or a Western Union for gas (even though that wasn’t the truth). I needed the cash in order to not feel sick anymore, to keep the withdrawals at bay. I didn’t even feel high when I used. I just didn’t want to feel sick, like I was dying.
I always knew that I had a higher purpose in life than working odd jobs and using drugs 24/7. I wanted to help other people like me. I wanted to be the guy that could be trusted and turned to whenever things got hard. Most people want riches and fame and glory in some way, shape, or form, but I just want to help people stop their own suffering.
Once I made up my mind that I was done with my old ways and wanted to forge a new path in life, things started looking up almost right away. I was able to rid all the toxins from my body and really worked hard to bring myself back to who I am at my core. I realized where I wanted to go in life. I ran into a couple of situations that, had I not been clean, very well could have killed me. I learned to handle my emotions and control my ways of thinking to the point where now you can throw anything at me, and I will take it and handle it in stride.
“Do you know when people say, ‘do something you love, and you will never work a day in your life?’ I found that in my new job. I get to wake up every single day knowing that I am changing people’s lives for the better.”
Something I love to tell people now is “I would take my worst day clean over my greatest day high anytime.”
To everyone who told me that I was going to be an addict for the rest of my life and even if I got clean, I would be considered an addict, I willfully object to that. I, along with all the people around me day in and day out who are saving lives, beg to differ from that opinion. I’m happy now and nothing can ever take that away from me.
Jordan M, Narconon Suncoast Graduate
