Find the Rock You Need, Not the Rock You Want
It’s a common story for addicts, going to any length for the next fix. When I was deep in my addiction, I would joke about crossing the Pacific Ocean for the right rock at the right price. I may have said it to be funny, but inside it was simply the sobering reality of what my life had become. I would quite literally go any distance to find my drugs. I’ve driven across state lines, from one corner of a state to another, even across the country in my endless pursuit for the next fix. I’ve driven when I was too sick to walk, puking all over the steering wheel, in order to get to a dealer hundreds of miles away.
Addiction consumed my life. It consumed my time. It consumed my relationships. It consumed my behaviors. It consumed my thoughts. If I wasn’t thinking about getting high, I was thinking about how much I hated my life because of my addiction. I created a lot of bad habits as an addict, and these didn’t disappear simply because the drugs were removed. These are all things that are natural for an addict to go through. What is glaring about this is how I would go to any length to continue down a path that I made me miserable. I would break any promise, tell any lie, drive any distance, or make any compromise.
I’ve also more recently gone the distance for a different type of rock. This rock is the foundation that I’ve built for myself in order to not just overcome addiction but better my life in every way imaginable. Just as I would go to any length to get my drugs, I realized that I needed to go the distance and do everything it took in order to overcome my addiction and become a better person. I knew that overcoming addiction went beyond removing the drugs from the equation. I needed to heal as a person, and then make changes to begin living in a way that supported a person finding a better way of life.
When I say I went the distance, I didn’t do that by going as fast as I could. First came the crawling, where I decided to seek out treatment and get the help I needed. Before I could take off, I needed to learn how to walk. This was the hardest part, removing the drugs, handling my addiction, and making changes to my life that would allow me to distance myself from all the things associated with my past lifestyle. That involved a new environment as well as finding a job that provided me with both a newfound purpose and the necessary structure early on.
This is when I started to run. With these in place, I began to implement the changes I had decided to make. I stopped lying to people, making honesty in all my affairs a top priority. I started treating myself and others with respect. I started taking care of myself and became willing to help others with anything I could. Living this way became habit-forming, I became a happier person and with it, I felt further and further away from my previous life as an addict. Eventually, the distance had been covered, and I found the foundation I had been seeking. I found my rock, and in the end, that rock was me all along. If you or anyone you know is seeking help, please reach out.