Addicted Relationships

addicted relationships

One of the main components of the Narconon program is the Life Skills Courses. In these courses, students handle the negative influences in their lives, get relief from their past transgressions and learn specific tools they can use to help keep themselves sober once they leave. 

A current student recently analyzed a past relationship he had lost and had a lot of wins and realizations regarding his addiction and the effects it has on someone he loved.

I wasn’t always an addict. I was a normal guy, someone that was true in his word and action. I was a productive member of society and was respected in business. I was raised in a family with six other siblings, me being the middle child. My parents were always around and were amazing people. They raised us to have integrity, to be truthful, loyal, and be respectful members of society. When my addiction took hold, that all changed. I turned into a lying, manipulative thief. Someone who I didn’t recognize in the mirror anymore. I would use drugs to numb out the feelings of guilt and shame that were like a black cloud over my life.

When I was 16, I was fortunate enough to meet the love of my life. She became my best friend and we grew together. After she finished college, we moved in with each other to start our life together. At this point, I still hadn’t gotten into my addiction. I was the luckiest man in the world. I was with a shockingly beautiful, brown eyed, caring, independent, loyal, smart and funny woman. Her smile could light up the darkest of rooms without effort. She was a strong minded, opinionated, sweet and thoughtful person. I would get lost in her eyes sometimes, just trying to imagine how I got so lucky.

I decided the moment I met her that she was going to be my wife one day. We went to California with the rest of my family to visit my older sister. I made up my mind that I was finally going to ask this woman to marry me. As we are walking on the beach before dinner, I stopped and looked at her for what felt like an hour, but was only a few seconds. I knelt down in front of her, grabbed her left hand, and pulled out the ring my parents gave me. It was my mother’s old engagement ring. I asked this amazing woman if she would be my wife, my partner and that this ring got my parents through thirty plus years of marriage, and it would carry us through a lifetime as well. Lucky for me, she said yes! Now, I hardly remember the dinner because my nerves were so shot! We drove for a bit after dinner and arrived back at the hotel. The room was done up like something out of a romance movie. The entire night and rest of the trip was amazing! I was on top of the world! I was a successful businessman in a fourth-generation family business and now had an amazing woman by my side and a great family.

painkiller addiction

Around six months after the engagement, I began abusing Oxycodone. Now, I was never a drug person growing up. I played ice hockey and volunteered, helping children with disabilities and disabled veterans. The Oxy was prescribed, so I tried to use that excuse as a justification for a while; lying to myself and everyone around me. The worst part of it all was the wedge I began driving in between the love of my life and myself. A partnership that had been so strong for so long, all of the sudden changed. I had this huge secret, these lies, this absent time that I couldn’t account for. The lies started off small; being late for dinner, nodding off on the couch watching a show. I’m sorry love, I had to work a little late or I didn’t sleep well last night babe, I apologize. Even when I wasn’t lying to her or manipulating her, I wasn’t really present. I would sneak off to the garage, pretending I was going to clean out my car; all the while I was just going to snort more Oxycodone. I would have drug dealers swing by to drop off more drugs and I would lie and tell her they were just asking directions or asking about one of our cars. Anything to try to make her rational thoughts seem irrational, so the focus wouldn’t stay on my problem.

Here is this incredibly strong woman, confident in her abilities and in knowing me. I took that away from her. I would make her feel like she was literally losing her mind; like she was seeing things that weren’t there or that she was taking something that was innocent and spinning it into a negative action. This was a woman I thought the world of, the most amazing woman I knew and I didn’t hesitate to damn near turn her into a psych patient. Deny, deny, deny, then lie. If that failed, lie some more. I was invalidating everything she was seeing with a straight face. We went from being best friends and lovers to roommates that had just surface level conversations. I stripped her of so much, I don’t even know if there are words to describe the severity of my actions towards this woman. Turning her into a self-conscious, withdrawn, stressed out person and myself into a lying and manipulative coward.

At this point, we wound up postponing the engagement. How could I allow this girl to marry me after all I have been doing to her the last couple of months? Could I continue to hide this if we were married? I couldn’t, no. I couldn’t tell her what I had been doing. Not about the drugs, the lying, none of it. I was a wreck. Blowing money like it meant nothing, not showing affirmation to the one I held so dear in my heart. Becoming everything I loathed in a human being, I simply refused to confront it. We eventually parted ways. She moved on with her life and I continued in my downward spiral.

It comes to a point where the people we love, first off, must protect themselves from any more harm we could most definitely cause. Secondly, we usually get to a point where tough love is required for us to really hear and understand what they’re saying. While in our addiction, we think they are just done with us. After all, if we don’t love ourselves, how could anyone else still love us? Right? WRONG! It is an illusion. Deep down, under everything we tell ourselves, we are still the good people that ARE worthy of affinity from others. We just have to learn to get out of our own way and allow the people who love us, in.

help is done hand in hand

Climbing back out of hell requires help. None of us can do it on our own. Believing that if we admit to our problem, that we will be condemned, isn’t true. It is an irrational thought caused by our drug use. If we become willing to help ourselves, others hands will reach out and grab us. From my experience, the only thing prolonging our suffering is ourselves. Asking for help takes courage; it isn’t a sign of weakness. Weakness is continuing to cause the destruction and pain to those we love.

The best decision I ever made was allowing myself to get into treatment. I finally have my life back! I can live, love, laugh and even cry, but that’s the best part! I have actual emotions again. I’m able to have real compassion and love for others. I have faith that any addict can get better, even if they don’t have faith in themselves.

My advice is to make the call and get help! If you don’t know how to break it to your loved ones, someone can help with that. If you truly think they have no idea what is going on, you’re mistaken. Just because they might not say anything directly, doesn’t mean they don’t see it. Do you really want to continue breaking their hearts and losing the best thing in your life? And I know the whole, 'I’ll stop tomorrow, it isn’t that bad' bit. If I can get back everything I lost for so long, you can get your life back too! 

C.L. – Narconon Suncoast Student


Jason Good

Jason has been working in the field of addiction and recovery for over 11 years. Having been an addict himself he brings real-word experience to the table when helping addicts and their families, while also offering a first-person perspective to the current drug crisis. Jason is passionate about educating the public about what’s currently going on in our society, and thankfully, offers practical solutions. Jason is also the co-host of The Addiction Podcast—Point of No Return. You can follow Jason on Google+, Twitter, or connect with him on LinkedIn.