The Trap of Addiction
I grew up about 20 minutes outside of San Francisco in Marin County. I had a pretty amazing childhood. Sure, there were some ups and downs, but for the most part, I was a happy, energetic child that loved life. Somewhere along the way, things started to get rough at home and I found myself constantly trying to pick up the pieces that a dysfunctional household can leave behind. I became extremely independent and by the age of 15, I dropped out of high school and started working full-time. That’s also when I found opiates.
From the second I tried them, I felt as if I had found my life partner, the solution to all my problems. Boy, was I wrong! For the first 2-3 years, I was somewhat functional. I held down a good job catering private events and by night I was a full-blown junkie, who had become accustomed to waking up completely broke after making $500 the day before. It felt like a never-ending cycle. Eventually, I lost that job, which was the only thing holding me back from 100% committing myself to a ruthless heroin and meth addiction. So, I became committed, I felt like I had no choice and no purpose, so drugs became my purpose.
I found the needle and I became such a cold-hearted, hopeless person. I hated every second of it; having to constantly lie, cheat and steal just to get through the day. I hated myself for it. The compromising situations I put myself in, just to keep getting high, became exhausting. I can’t even count how many nights I spent on the cold streets of San Francisco so I could sell drugs to support my habit or how many times I was beat up or robbed. I convinced myself that all of that was okay because, at the time, I truly thought it was.
The best part of my day was finding a bathroom stall to get high in, because most places knew I was a shameless addict and had kicked me out. I never planned on getting to the place I was at; no one ever does. A person can try a drug, like it and before they know it their lives are ripped out of their hands. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I had lost complete control. If I had the choice, I would have done drugs before I took a breath of air, because I knew that I had no way of dealing with life without them. I watched myself hurt so many people and never blinked an eye because I accepted that’s what needed to be done to get my fix.
Deep down, I knew that I was once a person who loved people, who had a bright future and was caring of her friends and family. The fact of the matter was that I learned to love heroin more than anyone or anything in my life. Knowing that made me sick to my stomach. I finally got tired of hating myself and having my family hate me. I was tired of giving everything up for something that never gave a damn about me. Sure, I had tried many other rehabs and a lot of them didn’t work for me. I didn’t want to be powerless over drugs. I already lived that first-hand.
Narconon Suncoast gave me the chance to take responsibility and be in control of myself and the decisions that I make. I couldn’t be happier after completing this program. Of all the things money can buy, you can’t put a price on feeling like you truly overcame the trap of addiction.
C.M.—Narconon Suncoast Graduate