“Lost Myself” Is Exactly What I Did

Upon completing the Narconon Suncoast program, one of our students had a powerful message she wanted to share with all students and staff. 

She wrote:

’It is what I was born for—to look, to listen, to lose myself inside this safe world—to instruct myself over and over.’ —Mary Oliver

“’Lost myself’ is exactly what I did. I forgot who I was and what I was here to do. From the age of 2 years old, as soon as I could talk, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. This feeling grew more and more over the years and I was making my way toward this goal. As soon as college started, the drinking started, and it did not seem to have any mode of stopping. 

“I was lost, foolish, and knowingly causing harm to my body. Marijuana came next and I got to the point where I did not want to be in school. I withdrew and was ashamed. I gave up and ran away. I was broken. 

“As Louise Eldrich says:

’Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with it’s yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on Earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.’

“Here at Narconon Suncoast I have learned how to face my suffering. I have learned to face my weaknesses and shortcomings. By doing all of this, I have finally become free. 

“Lastly, may this place give you as much pleasure as it has given me. Please permit the room to convey a lesson we learned from the same teachers. The proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to over-indulgence. On that path lies danger.

“Flourish and Prosper.”

-Anonymous