Little Did I Know I Had Begun My New Life
People used to call me a junkie, a dope fiend. All in all, that’s what I was. My life was a mess and a big one at that. I found myself smoking weed, then I was doing pills to the point I couldn’t remember days at a time, until one day, it wasn’t enough! I needed more. I would do anything. If I could get it, I used it. I thought because I wasn’t using a needle that I had life and my addiction under control. Yeah…right. I began pushing family and friends away. I have two beautiful little girls and even they weren’t enough for me to stop using.
Then it happened. The one thing I swore I’d never do…I picked up the devil himself—Methamphetamine. I used a needle for the first time in my life and it was everything I thought I was looking for. I started using so much that I lost track of everything. Eventually, nothing else mattered to me. Nothing. I did whatever I had to do to get my fix. I remember my little girl asking me, “Mommy, why you have to take so many shots?” She was three years old. I didn’t care, I just pulled yet another lie from my arsenal of excuses. I dropped my girls off at my mom’s house the next day and was gone. I missed Christmas, birthdays, even my own sister’s funeral, all because my only desire in life was to get high. I became the epitome of everything I had once hated.
This cycle went on and on for a long, dark, and horrible two years, with no kids, no friends, and no one who trusted me anymore. Then one day my veins had enough. I was alone at home trying to get a fix, but I couldn’t get the needle in right. I must have stuck myself seventy-four times. I was crying, even begging for it. I spoke to God for the first time in years. I was so lost, sick, and desperate to get my fix. I was yelling and crying so loud. I did not hear the truck pull in my driveway, carrying my mom, my little girls, and my roommate. My mom must have heard me from outside because when she entered the bathroom, I saw her face already stricken with tears and terror. I had blood running down both my arms and my face was red with anger and my eyes full of tears.
My daughter said, “That lady is not my mommy.” My own daughters couldn’t recognize me. That’s when it hit me.
She took the needle and hugged me so tight. I can still hear the fear in her voice, telling me “we got to get you some help.” I remember seeing in the mirror my roommate grab my daughter just before she could make it all the way to me. He said, “Let’s leave mommy be for a minute because she’s sick.”
Then it happened. Life slapped me in the face. My daughter said, “That lady is not my mommy.” My own daughters couldn’t recognize me. That’s when it hit me.
Sometimes life will slam you flat on your back so that you have no choice other than to look up to see the hand that is there waiting to help you back up again. That hand for me, was Narconon Suncoast. Never had I thought a drug rehab could help me because I was so far gone. Oh, silly me!
My mom called and told them my situation. They wanted to help, they called me every day for two months. My mom scheduled an intervention that I had no idea about. Of course, I fought it. I finally got arrested. I told my mom I’d do anything if she would just get me out and she did just that. The next day I was bonded out, but with one stipulation—I would be released into the hands of Jason Good and another staff member from Narconon Suncoast, who I would later come to know and respect.
Little did I know that day would be the first day of my new life. After saying goodbye to my mom, with some hesitation and one last look at my past, I got in the car and began the long ride back. To my surprise, the staff were super-cool and funny. They were people just like me. I began to feel a little better about this new beginning.
When we finally made it to the center, I was a bit tired and scared of what was to come. I was met at the door by an energetic, Southern girl who I had spoken to before. She came right out to greet me as if she was greeting a long-lost friend. As I began the program there was not one person that did not treat me like family and encourage me along the way. The program itself is unlike anything I had ever tried. It really works to get you in tune with yourself all over again. It sure did for me. I went from a lost woman to a happy mother again and now I only have the urge to better myself. I notice the small things in life now, the smell of the morning, the colors of the night, the way it feels to wake up and start my day and not need or want drugs to get out of bed. Now, you couldn’t pay me to get high. I realize now that I was putting myself through hell only to feel like I do now.
Now, I stay high on life. If it hadn’t been for Narconon Suncoast, I’d be lost in oblivion. I owe this new life to the people I consider now to be a family of sorts who never let me forget I am worth it and never let me give up on myself. I’m so happy to be a part of the Narconon Suncoast family and now, I want to help save lives, just as my life was saved.
L.M.—Narconon Suncoast Student