Curiosity Killed the Cat
Once a drug addict lost in the grips of heroin addiction, now a successful Narconon Suncoast Graduate. After turning her life around, EM wrote a poem detailing the very poignant reality that follows when a person chases the rabbit down the rabbit hole and into heroin/opioid addiction.
I remember before I tried heroin, I asked someone what it was like. They said “it’s like a nice warm/numb feeling, it’s the best feeling ever, I don’t know how to explain it really” and they were right, but now if someone were to ever ask me what it’s like, I would tell them:
It’s like spending every single penny you ever had, on drugs.
It’s like going days without eating even though you were starving, but you needed dope more.
It’s like having to lie to every family and friend you had ever had.
It’s like lighting a whole pack of cigarettes and never smoking one.
It’s like waking up hating yourself from all the shame and guilt.
It’s like going into withdrawals every 8 hours unless you had more dope to do. (And you usually didn’t.)
It’s like never attending any family event because you were too high.
It’s like everyone eventually stopped inviting you to events. And even talking to you.
It’s like everything was on your drug dealer's time. If they said five hours. You’ll wait 10 or more.
It’s like being late to every single day of your life even if you started getting ready long before you were supposed to be somewhere.
It’s like losing so much weight you can’t fit into any of your clothes.
“It’s like losing everything you’ve ever owned in your entire life.”
It’s like losing everything you’ve ever owned in your entire life.
It’s like nobody believing a word you said, even if it was the truth.
It’s like being a prisoner inside your own head.
It’s like contemplating suicide every single day.
It’s like never being scared to die, that’s what you wanted.
It’s like trying to shut your brain up for even five minutes. It was worth that little time of peace.
It’s like seeing your family cry for you to stop, only for you to leave and go get high. Because stopping wasn’t an option. It wasn’t possible.
It’s like you’d do absolutely anything for more. And you did.
It’s like talking in circles for hours about absolutely nothing.
It’s like losing days, weeks, months, years off your life and not even realizing it happened.
It’s like living in places you’d never go to before you did heroin with no power, no running water.
It’s like everyone hating you no matter where you went, because they knew you were a drug addict.
It’s like thinking everyone is out to get you and people can read your every thought
It’s like missing out on your children because they’ll be grown before you know it, because while you’d kill for your child and do any and everything for them you won’t be able to get clean for them and we actually turn out to be the ones who hurt them the most.
It’s like overdosing and going to get high right after.
It’s like walking into rehab 100 pounds with the clothes on your back and being scared to death.
It’s like giving your entire life away.
So if you’re ever curious like I was, please at least know the truth. Curiosity killed the cat, and it’ll kill you too.
This is for anyone who has fought or still fighting this horrible battle.
E.M.—Narconon Suncoast Graduate