A New Belief in Myself, a New Perspective for a Bright Future
Coming to treatment was hands down the most terrifying decision I have made in my life, which seems laughable now considering all the dangerous and harmful choices I was continuing to make before I came. I was at the point where I felt like there was no way I could fall any further unless I wound up in jail or dead. I was destroying all my relationships along with my body and state of mind. Something had to give, and I finally realized I was so lost and fearful that I had to ask for help. I knew doing it on my own was out of the question because I had absolutely no faith in myself and no clue on where to begin.
It is pretty crazy to think about my family being proud of me going to rehab, but I have finally let go of the shame I was carrying because I know that this is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I realize now that there is absolutely no shame in needing help, especially when you are finally ready to help yourself. During my time here, I have had ample time to take a good look at myself and why I was causing so much harm. I realize how much pure fear I had. Fear that I was not good enough to deserve love, fear of not knowing what I wanted and fear of trying and it not being enough. Being sober for three months now has helped me realize that those are common fears. The determining factor is whether you confront it or allow it to affect you by suppressing it and finding a false sense of comfort in a bottle.
Throughout the whole program, my biggest win other than my sobriety and commitment has been finding a renewed belief in myself. I not only believe but I know that I am worthy of love, capable of finding what makes me happy and equipped to go after it. I have accepted that my addiction has made me incapable of touching alcohol safely. While it can be a scary thought to never drink again and no longer have that crutch, the thought of never giving life and happiness a real chance is a far scarier proposition. I no longer wonder if I can make myself and my loved ones happy and proud, but instead think of how I can do so. I finally have a plan and all the support anyone could ever hope to ask for, and I honestly cannot remember the last time I was this excited, hopeful, and confident.
Going forward I realize the world is a crazy and scary place and you do not always get what you want. My plan is to start by making sure I get what I need. I may not have the job I want or make the money I would like but I know I can work hard and ensure my independence, proving I can be a responsible adult and provide stability for myself. I am always going to set goals. I had not realized how not having any goals allowed me to fall into a perpetual state of apathy.
“My morals, actions, goals, and the people I surround myself with, my state of mind, and my reality are what will set the tone for my future. Today, that feels very bright!”
I am ready to work my conditions and use the tools I have received here to achieve a sense of accomplishment and pride. I am ready to let go of the past by forgiving myself and learning from my mistakes, knowing they are not all that define me. My morals, actions, goals, and the people I surround myself with, my state of mind, and my reality are what will set the tone for my future. Today, that feels very bright!
