Scared to Grow Up

I started using drugs at the age of 15. I started with cocaine, marijuana and alcohol. I initially used drugs to cope with stress and anxiety, but they started to control every aspect of my life. This made it extremely hard to be a person. In all reality, I was not in touch with who I really was. These toxic chemicals started to control me even more and more over the years and made me a serious liability to my friends and family. They were leading me nowhere, real quick, and my life was becoming more and more unmanageable. As a result, I started to lie, cheat and steal. I found myself continuously lying to my family and to my closest friends. When I was in middle school and high school, I injured my knees and hip playing football. This was the start of my opiate addiction. I was prescribed Oxycodone and Vicodin. I ended up having 6 surgeries which allowed me to be more and more addicted to being comfortably numb. These drugs led me to Fentanyl, Dilaudid and Oxycontin in college. 

I did a lot of different drugs in college. I got through my college years by numbing pain and normal life stress instead of confronting and handling my issues that were constantly occurring. Sadly, I was so addicted to so many drugs that I could not quit on my own. I graduated college and my life became more and more of a mess. My ultimate plan after college was to go to law school, however, I could not persist due to my state of mind. I was lifeless, had zero energy and was an emotional wreck. Not being able to proceed into law school landed me into a depressed state of mind. I returned home for several months after college and found myself progressively getting worse. I could not keep up with life. I was irresponsible and immoral. I lost my self-respect and self-discipline and above all, lost who I truly was as a person. I was brought up in a very prosperous family. I had many constructive role models that I looked up to, but I was completely overwhelmed by drugs and the problematic issues that I could not seem to deal with.

Drugs were my life. I would wake up in the morning to some sort of drug to just get out of bed. I saw all of my friends going to all the top law schools, business schools and getting all of the best jobs. For me, I was too scared  to grow up and flourish and prosper. When all of these things were happening so rapidly around me, I continued to use drugs to be at a calmer state of mind. 

I once believed that drugs were the solution to all of my problems but they did nothing but complicate everything. My dreams and aspirations were distorted and I could not grow up. Growing up is part of life and drugs did nothing but cause me to resist the idea of becoming an adult. 

The Narconon program has helped me to finally grow up and become the man I was meant to be. I can finally face and handle life’s problems without hiding behind a curtain of drugs. I know I can be a successful adult, work, save money, have a family and finally make my family proud. Narconon taught me that I am in control of my life and that nothing controls me. I’m proud to say I’m happy with who I am now and feel like I can finally move forward in my life!

-Anonymous