I’m Finally Free!

Staff rehab success

I was in worse shape than I initially thought. I was in complete denial about how lonely and miserable I really was. Years of mental and physical abuse led me straight into a decade of drugs and alcohol, leaving me cold and empty. At 13, I started drinking and smoking marijuana with friends. In high school, I was getting my hands on everything; ecstasy, cocaine, opiates and Adderall followed by heavy amounts of alcohol. 

I always kept my grades up, played sports, was an active part of the drama club and held a part-time job. Neither my parents nor my friends knew I was well on my way to a full blown opiate addiction. At 17, Fentanyl got me hooked. I was naive to the idea of addiction; I thought it was for those who were weak and had no self-control. I didn’t know the danger of the beast I was messing with.

Hydromorphone, OxyContin, and morphine—I couldn’t get enough. My grades started to slip, I began skipping class and showing up late to work. My double life was falling apart. Multiple hospital visits, dope sickness and mental deterioration drove me to drop out of college at 22, only a couple weeks shy of my associate’s degree in graphic design. It finally hit me that I was in too deep. I finally admitted that I was an addict and needed help. I checked myself into detox followed by a 30-day, 12-step program. I quickly relapsed. My addiction came back with vengeance, leading me straight into the hospital for a few days followed by yet another 30-day program. Shortly after leaving the program I began drinking again. I convinced myself that alcohol was a lot better than the alternative.

I needed out of the sink hole town I was living in.

I decided to move to Nebraska, looking to leave my demons behind in Missouri. The change of scenery was great at first. I had a great job at a greenhouse. I was making friends at work and I felt like I was happy again, but the loneliness and isolation of small-town living drove me straight back into my old ways. When I lost the job that I loved, I felt like it was the end of the world and I went off the deep end. Within a month I was a full blown alcoholic making frequent trips back to Missouri to get pills. I was completely out of control. I got kicked out of my friend’s house, moved six times and jumped from job to job due to my addiction.

I was losing grip on my life all over again. I felt helpless and lost my self-respect, which drove me to start using meth. It was something I told myself I would never do and I lost everything. I lost my apartment, my boyfriend, my car, my job, my possessions and ultimately my mind. My parents begged me to come home but I didn’t want them to see how far I had fallen. I was surrounded by people I couldn’t trust, forcing me to fend for myself. But there was one thing I could always trust to be there, the drugs. I felt like I was destined to be an addict forever, I’d die a statistic.

I remember the day before I came to Narconon, I turned to a coworker and said:

“This is the first time in my life where I have no money, no car or a plan. I have no idea where my life is going or what I’m doing. I feel like I’m at a dead end.”

Then a miracle happened, I had my intervention.

I held on to a lot of guilt from my past. I blamed myself for a lot of things that had happened in my life that were out of my control and I used that to fuel my addictions. I lied, cheated and stole from my family. I destroyed relationships, property, my reputation and moments in my life that I can never get back. I’ve put myself in harm’s way and worse, I put my loved ones in danger. I ran from anyone who’d get too close or wanted to help me. I’ve lost everything multiple times over and I almost lost my life.

Narconon has given me everything back. I knew that there was no turning back once I set foot on that airplane. I knew my life was going to change and I was afraid, but I knew that type of fear was much healthier than the fear I had found myself drowning in before. A life time of focusing on school, work and drugs was over. I had to focus on myself. I struggled with that concept. I didn’t know how to just take care of myself. My attention was always focused on other things that distracted me from the real cause of my addictions. As time went on through the program, I began to see things differently. I realized that I was basing my future off of what had happened in the past. I’d beat myself up over the things that I couldn’t change, so nothing ever changed.

Recovery art
           Artwork done by T.G. upon her graduation from Narconon
 

After the New Life Detoxification, I started to feel good again and felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t realize one could feel this way without any type of chemical assistance. I used my art work as a tool to cope with my feelings and the Objectives to keep my mind in the moment.

Before Narconon, I continually believed in this idea that I had all these things wrong with me and drugs gave me the excuse to be the vulnerable failure that I had become. For the first time in my life I’m finally free of these thoughts and looking toward a bright future! I am so happy I made the decision to come to Narconon. Now I can be the person I was always meant to be.

T.G.


AUTHOR

Jason Good

Jason has been working in the field of addiction and recovery for over 11 years. Having been an addict himself he brings real-word experience to the table when helping addicts and their families, while also offering a first-person perspective to the current drug crisis. Jason is passionate about educating the public about what’s currently going on in our society, and thankfully, offers practical solutions. Jason is also the co-host of The Addiction Podcast—Point of No Return. You can follow Jason on Google+, Twitter, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

NARCONON SUNCOAST

DRUG EDUCATION AND REHABILITATION