I Found Empowerment to Change at Narconon Suncoast
Drug use, at the end, progressed at a dizzying speed for me. Even though I was the one taking the drugs, I saw myself as the victim of my wife, my job, and the doctors that were trying to help me. I even felt like a victim of my own family. After a few months of my final spiral, I found myself in a state-run detox, with no hope in sight. The next day, I went to Narconon Suncoast.
My reaction to being in a rehab was towering anger! I was full of resentment and I was a physical and mental mess. I wanted to beat rehab, but it dawned on me that beating rehab would be the emptiest of victories. I had spent years retreating from sobriety. Every time I felt the pressure to get straight, I made a concession or two, like cutting down or even going on the wagon for a while. I kept dropping back to what I thought was a defensible position, but I realized that I was always retracting.
In my past, when I got help, I wasn’t there to quit using. I was there to keep using. This time, after a few days at Narconon Suncoast, it started to sink in that this wasn’t my ticket to a few more days of using. It was my last chance to quit.
As I look back, these things had to happen to give me a second, second chance.
First, I had to understand the vital parts of my life that were coming unglued. I had to feel genuine pain. I was not yet a shipwreck, but the trade winds were not in my favor.
Second, I had to accept my problem. It was not this person or that person. It was not this unfair situation or that missed opportunity.
Third, I had to accept that I could not moderate my drug use. Every first drink or pill led to a bunch more, no matter how good my intentions. I had to understand that I couldn’t do it alone.
After two weeks, in spite of myself, I started to listen. Rehab moves at the speed of pain and my pain in those first weeks was increasing as I realized that this might be my last opportunity to save myself. My mind opened a crack to what was being said, and my listening turned into hearing.
What came over me was “willingness.” Willingness to accept the help. Willingness to work the program. Willingness to save my own life. I thank Narconon Suncoast for helping me to save my own life.
