I’m the Happiest and Most Driven I Have Been in Over 10 Years
Before I started abusing alcohol, I led a VERY happy life, great friends, amazing family, and had a bright and passionate marriage. One of the happiest moments in my life was when my amazing daughter was born. It was like time stood still, and I couldn’t stop just staring at her and her mother.
After turning 21, I started drinking on and off, but not abusing it until much later. It wasn’t until my mid-30s that it went out of control and I would miss work and drink for days straight, and sometimes even weeks when I would go drunk all day, every day. I became estranged from my daughter because I was too embarrassed to be around her, and her mother lost trust in letting me be with her alone, wondering if I would stay sober or not. I lost 3 jobs because of it, and one company that I had to sell because corporate wouldn’t allow me to keep it with how I was underperforming—and it makes sense they would do this. I was upset and lost a few friends who didn’t want to be around me when I drank so much. I wound up absolutely broke in my early 40s—no apartment, no job, no money and I gave away my truck to my family because they could use it. Truthfully, I didn’t trust myself having a vehicle with my drinking problem. I felt like I was 16 years old again—a $0 bank account and having to build my life as an adult all over.
I had heard of Narconon because I knew someone who did it years ago, way before I had a problem. And I had heard how well he was doing. He had a similar alcohol problem, so I could relate to his struggles, and since he had been clean, sober, and happy for nearly two decades already, I figured if I went to rehab, this would be the place to go. I wanted to try to get a job, and work on myself, and just stay sober. I felt like I would be putting myself out 3 months, but then I realized, “What’s three months after you wasted five years.”
There was a part of the program where you are doing exercises that help you to overcome the past stress from abusing [alcohol] and it helped me overcome all that went on in my life then. I distinctly remember a moment when, for the first time in a long time, I felt that I was actually going to pull this off; I was my old self again. I now have the determination to stay that way and know that I can. It’s great.
I had a bad pride issue before. I was so embarrassed that I withheld myself from everyone around me: friends, family, and my daughter. I kept trying to hide my issues, but they knew what was going on. When I would “go dark,” they said they knew I was abusing again. They would worry, contact friends and family close to me geographically to see if they had heard from me. It was stressful for them. After being in the program, I got over this and confronted my issue, opened up about it, and went after every minute I could of the program deciding I was going to finally fix myself up. Doing so I suddenly felt alright with knowing they were aware of my issue, and they all said how fantastic I looked if they visited, or sounded on the phone. I could tell they were happy for me, and with this, I regained my integrity. I no longer was withheld. I was back to being the outgoing, happy, active, and caring person I was in the past. I was able to finally put these things in the past and no longer think about it all the time.
“Now I can think clearly again. I don’t doubt myself, or think of how bad of a person I am. I know I’ll get my career going, I know I’ll stay clean, I know I will be the father I truly am, not the distant father I had been for a couple years now.”
Now I can think clearly again. I don't doubt myself or think of how bad of a person I am. I know I’ll get my career going, I know I’ll stay clean, I know I will be the father I truly am, not the distant father I have been for a couple of years now.
I am looking forward to working again, being active again, and being with my daughter again with my newfound vigor toward life. I’m the happiest and most driven I have been in over ten years. I am no longer doubting myself or doubting if I can remain sober and focused. I’m in better communication with friends and family.
To anyone suffering from addiction, I would say that you can still be the best of yourself. It may take some work and a few months to get started down the right path, but if you want to be happier than you have in a long time, want to build loving relationships again, and set your life right, just go for it. Work at it, and in a few months, you’ll again, as you did before, have all the joys life has in store for you.
P.M., Narconon Suncoast Graduate