I’m excited about living life for the first time ever!
I remember being 8 years old, waking up the morning of my mother’s funeral, feeling that something was terribly wrong. My family and I went out for breakfast and I didn’t have much of an appetite but managed to eat some pancakes. On the way to the funeral my dad, sister and I stopped at my mom’s best friend’s house. She had a white dove that she wanted me to release before my mom was buried. When we left her house I began to feel very sick to my stomach and started throwing up in the back of the truck. Once we got to the funeral I managed to compose myself until the moment I had to release the dove. Everyone kept telling me to “let it go” but I couldn’t and began vomiting again so badly that my grandmother had to bring me home and take care of me.
After my mom passed away, my sister attempted suicide by taking as many pills as she could find. I had to live with my grandparents because my dad was working a lot of hard hours. I really never saw my dad. I blamed him for everything that went wrong in my life. For leaving me with my grandparents and not really being a part of my life. I also faulted him for his constant fighting with my mother. I basically looked at my grandparents like they were my parents…I felt like I had lost both of my “real” ones.
I was 12 years old and already getting in trouble inside and outside of school. In 7th grade I got caught with Oxy’s. I knew I could sell them to the older kids and after a while, I tried one for myself. I noticed that all my pain disappeared and it made me feel what I thought was “better.” I was put on juvenile probation for 12 months, which actually ended up being 2 and a half years since I kept failing the drug tests. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd and we would frequently go to the skate park where everyone did drugs and caused trouble. After hanging out with them so long, I began to be one of them; creating mischief, breaking the law and being a destructive member of society.
By the time I was 15 I was a full-blown heroin addict. Drugs helped me to avoid the problems I had with my family, school and friends. It was my go-to when I felt upset. I constantly felt like a failure so heroin was my solution. I would use no matter what; whether it was a fight with my grandparents or my girlfriend, I would go use. Using heroin was the only way I knew how to handle my problems.
Things were still strained between my dad and I. I still blamed him for everything that went wrong in my life. When I would see him or talk to him we would argue and it would escalate out-of-control very quickly.
I eventually broke down and asked my grandparents to send me to rehab. When I came to Narconon, the staff were extremely helpful. I found out a lot about myself by doing this program. It wasn’t just about drugs. I realized all my problems started when my mom died. I felt like I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t fix her myself since she had cancer.
I was able to finally confront my family problems that had gone on for years. I found out, after speaking with my grandparents, the real reason I was always with them and not my dad. Before my mom died, she had spent all the family’s money and put us into serious debt during her last days. She left all the payments and debt for my dad to handle and he almost lost everything. Throughout my whole life I never knew that. I faulted him for leaving me behind when he was just doing his best to pick up the pieces. The reason he had to work so much and didn’t have time to actually raise me was to take care of me and make sure I was okay and had what I needed. I thought so negatively of my dad because he was never there, but in reality, he was making sure the whole family didn’t completely fall apart.
I was able to find all this out thanks to the Narconon program. I was able to fix and handle all the problems I caused my friends and family.
I am back in connection with my dad and he and I are having a working relationship again. My grandparents and I are finally on good terms again and we are communicating a lot better and have a more workable relationship. Things are already so much better than I could have hoped for! I have reunited with some of my best friends who I had cut off because of my drug use.
I am now able to move forward in my life by rejoining a caring family and working jobs that I love. I am really looking forward to going home and making up all the damage I caused throughout the many years of my drug use.
I’m so happy I did the Narconon program. Without it, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. My future is finally bright and I’m excited about actually living life for the first time ever!
C.T.
